i went with crawford to his rehab last night. it was really cool, i was so happy to spend time with him again. most kids dont want to go to rehab. id do anything.. i mean at least i can be around people and talk and be asked questions about myself, have discussions... i like that alot. makes me feel so much better. i never get to do that.

i'm grounded. i'm lonely. just like before... i love crawford so much.. its so painful for him too. i talk to him whenever i can but im still lonely. just like i was before. i wonder what i will be like later on.. i will never be who my parents want, so my parents will just keep me at home until i finally decide to start bullshitting my way out of the house by making them think i can make good choices like deciding not to watch evil tv shows that have magic and powers,or hanging out with a group friends without supervision. they dont like it when i'm relaxing with my friends at a house, because they would rather me be at the mall or in public.. so the random strangers can make me feel compelled to do whats right. as long as the strangers dont wear black eyeliner and spike their hair. that means they want to force me to worship satan. or listen to music with loud bass and messages that tell me to have sex. so i could NEVER go to a non-christian concert. or to like, some kind of skate park. those horrible satanist punks hang out there.

once i get my freedom i'm going to go crazy with it. they can't do anything about it. keeping me locked up all these years and forcing the bible down my throat just makes me want to get away from them more. they have to let me go someday.. and i garuntee when that day happens i'm NOT going to sit at my new apartment/dorm/house thinking,'wow! i can do whatever i want now and never get grounded! gee, i think i will go on this christian singles website to find a nice guy who loves jesus and likes to go to baptism bar-b-q's for fun. i'll never make a bad decision like going out to a huge party/club/concert and having the time of my life'.

Last Five
miracles do happen - 2005-03-02
valentines day, colorado - 2005-02-22
superbowl, bad week - 2005-02-10
relapsed - 2005-01-25
started counselling - 2005-01-18