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lonely new year..negative thinking
Written at 9:44 p.m. on 2004-01-02. well its 2004 now. new years eve my dad had tickets for me and 2 friends to go to the hockey game.. but they were all busy so.. i stayed home and did nothing. fun. i'm really annoyed with my sister she has been hogging everything since shes been home from college i cant wait til she goes back.... ugh. and i ate some candy from her stocking from christmas(which she NEVER eats all over beccause she things she so FAT(all 100 lbs of her) and she goes and whines to my mom about it and so my mom is like ok rebecca you have to give her one of your christmas presents.. oh how about this gift card(which was the one she GAVE me, cause my mom forces us to spend money on gifts to eachother) so how gay is that. oh well. my parents like her better because she pours her heart out to them about every little thing and shes soooo christian and believes and does everything they want. i'm more of a keep to myself kind of girl... not that i dont like my parents. i have good parents. its just that.. they can be /really/ protective and it gets so annoying when i see my friends out doing things that i would never be allowed to do. i know why though.. when they wanted to adopt me they had to write this thing about them that expressed their views, morals, beliefs and how they wopuld raise me and that is what made my birthmom pick them. so they feel like they have to live up to it like its their job or something. they have to be the perfect parents for me and make sure that i grow up to be a 'godly woman' like my birth mom wanted. knowing myself and how much i screw up i doubt thats gonna happen so i feel like i can never live up to my parents expectations. my birth mom screwed up early in college and got pregnant with some druggie. sometimes i feel like i'm destined to make the same mistakes......
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